I thought I wouldn't have anything to complain about...

I did. I thought I wouldn't have anything to complain about or even write about in my blog tonight but I actually do. It seems like a majority of my blog is about me being anxious or angry or bitter or just complaining all the time (maybe I am too self-critical of my own blog?) But that's what blogs are for, as I've said before, to write out your frustrations.

At work, I'm not "in charge" but I've got the bulk of the responsibility for planning a student retreat next weekend. I like having responsibility and I feel confident in myself- I'm doing a good job and things are going well. But basically my boss is a weon**(not my female boss, who is wonderful but the new guy who is taking over and doesn't really have a clue). He's got all of these tasks for me to do before next week's retreat (which is held at a hotel) but he hasn't given me nearly enough time, he's not organized, he'd got no clue about the fact that just because he wants something to be done that it can be done because he's not thinking about our office budget/finances or the fact that things like an extra room in a hotel need more than a week's time of notice!!!

For example, he wants the students to learn new worship songs for the retreat. This is appropriate because we are holding a Christian faith based retreat. But he told me about this last week on Friday, wants me to find people who can learn new songs, and the songs he wants these people to learn are "monastic chants". It's a problem because students have lives- no one has time to learn new songs, not many students want to learn new songs anyway, and so basically I'm having a hard time finding students to do this. And the other thing that he's doing that makes me want to scream bloody-murder is that he keeps inviting students. This is also fine but it makes me feel threatened (it's my responsibility!!) I sent out an invitation for the retreat over a month ago and I've been the one taking names and info for people wanting to come, I've been the one communicating with everyone. And now, I'm putting people on the list for hotel rooms (and the hotel wants this list by today!) But suddenly in the past 2 days, people have been saying "I just spoke to soandsoyourbosss and can I come?" Probably but why didn't you respond to my email invitation in the first place? And why is my boss trying to recruit people at the last minute- we not only have to confirm spots for the hotel but we are also running out of space! And this one guy, bless his hear if I've been rude to him in emails, emailed me today because he talked to my boss and now he's leading worship! But he hasn't even told me if he's going to the hotel!! So he's leading worship, isn't on the list of participants officially and might not have a room and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It just really sucks. The retreat has been successful in the past because we all get to leave campus and spend the night at a hotel. We listen to a guy speak and get in small discussion groups but that's it. There isn't this big ordeal of things to do and that's what people like! They like that they are leaving school and it's like a mini-vacation. And this guy doesn't realize it! So when we get the surveys back at the end of the retreat (the "how did you like this retreat" survey) and people say "it's too much stuff to do in only one day!!" will that reflect on me? I guess what I mean by "threatened" is that this is the first time I've really been in charge of something important and I'm doing a good job but I don't want something stupid like worship or too much stuff going on to be reason for them to decide that they don't want me anymore or that I can't handle the responsibility anymore. I love my job and don't want someone questioning whether or not I deserve it. I feel apprehension because I don't know if this new boss is going to decide that the funds that pay my wage would be better spent on something else!

Maybe I need prayers to not get so angry over what is probably nothing. I'm trying very hard to be a grown-up in this situation.

**weon: chilean spanish for tarado, nob, wanker (british words I know but I can't think of the right american english word), retarded annoying irritating guy who has no idea what he's doing. I'm sure he does know somewhat of what he's doing but he's really just got me to the point of where I want to scream.