Saturday, February 03, 2007

hubby's coming home today!!

Dennis is coming home this evening so I'm guessing the volume of blog posts is going to go down a little. He's going to be really tired and probably grumpy but I'm excited- now I have someone to talk too! and someone who can drive me to the store when I run out of diet coke or cold medicine! I can't wait to give him a big hug!! (And I've missed my mp3 player and my digital camera!!)

He argued with me over the phone for hours last night because I let some girls drive (I can't drive) our car to the overnight retreat that I just got back from. I know why he was annoyed and angry but in the end, it was one of those arguments that is kind of petty and the only reason why he is fighting is because he's tired and stressed and I'm the only one he can be angry and stressed out with.

I've decided that this comes with my job description as a wife though- really. I prayed about it a lot last night and decided that part of loving my neighbor (in this case my husband), is being able to "drink his cup" and sit with him when he's going through some really amazingly rough times. He's got this really challenging MBA program in English, he's doing all of it on his own time and own money when most of his classmates are being supported by their company, he hates his job, he's exhausted, he's far from home, and to top it off, his brother just might be dying.

It's something we haven't discussed. But if someone who has cancer that has spread so quickly, has pretty much decided that he doesn't want to continue treatment, there is a)a miracle or b)he's dying. I'm not trying to put limits on God but I am a realist. I am praying right now that Pancho's quality of life while he is alive, is good and that he finds peace and goes through it surrounded by family and friends who love him.

So, it makes sense that Dennis would project all of this incredible crappy life-situation stuff onto me. It sucks and I'm not saying I'm not going to stick up for myself. But maybe I won't take it so personally. And I'm trying to do little things so that he knows that I am here for him. And if he doesn't have the spiritual energy to pray, part of my "job" as his wife, is to pray for him and to be confident that God hears the desires of our hearts- both of our hearts. I've been thinking today- "What about people who get better who don't pray? Why is prayer so important?" I'm not saying "pray for dennis and pray for Pancho because if you pray, Pancho will magically get better". Jesus is not magic. I don't even know how to answer the question "why pray"- it's just something that makes me as a person feel better.

I guess I'm praying in this blog post too that I will be compassionate for Dennis- he doesn't need psychology or analysis of why his brother is refusing treatment, or a big discussion on how much life sucks. He just needs me to be there to listen and maybe try a bit harder to not complain about house chores as much or maybe to be a little less grouchy myself. I'm not making any promises because I'm pretty selfish, but I would like to think that I'm at least trying to be sensitive.

And I'm writing all of this out right now, too, because the internet is going to be "down" Sunday and Monday. But by Tuesday-ish, I'd like to think I'll have some flickr photos up ;)

6 comments:

I'm Just Sayin... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm Just Sayin... said...

sorry to hear about dennis being so stressed. i'm going through the same thing on a different level with mine right now. he's up at 4:30 a.m. everyday to get to work by 5:30 and doesn't get to bed until 10:30 or 11:00 and then when he is at home he feels like he's always running around and unable to rest.

So - i can totally feel your pain!

i'm listed on the blogroll as "I'm Just Sayin" - how do the carnivals work? How do i submit my entries for them?

Me, Myself and I said...

I know what you mean about being realistic. I have been facing too many cancer situations and now, when I am discussing or talking the topic, I say that death can be a possibility. For a reason that I don't undestand, peole usually say I am not sensitive or that I have to shut up.Why? I mean, that's a reality although it hurts.

Anyway, Dennis is really going through a very hard situation and it is very nice from you all that support you give to me and how many thing you are bearing ;) ( although I would get also angry f someone would drive my car!!!! :P )

Hugs!

cindy said...

Yay finally the hubby's coming back and the wifey would no longer feel lonely! xDDD

I agree with Miriam on her remark of cancer.. only a miracle can help the cancer patients now. But that doesn't stop us from praying for him, Erin. Pancho will be in my daily prayers. :)

I dislike people driving my car as well... :P

medea said...

I think one of the most important assets a wife has is the ability to "smile and nod". DH and I have our worst fights when we are stressed about something that is hardly related to the other person (well, it's all about Japan actually, and since he's the Japanese one...). Providing comfort to a stressed partner is hard, as is not taking things personally, especially when you love someone so much.

briangabriela said...

Hello Erin. So now I understand. You voted for me but someone nominated me. I wonder who was so nice nominating me. If you get to know later, tell me.

Hey, I'm so glad that your husband is getting back home soon. He is doing a lot related to this MBA, according to what you comment. Great thing is his effort will pay off. You are studying your MBA too, right? My respect and admiration to you both.

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear that Pancho is getting sicker and sicker. I will keep him and his family in my prayers. My thoughts and my best wishes are with him and his family.

Ok, for now I say bye. Take care and I hope you have a very nice week, Erin. The same to Dennis.

Thanks for your visits to my blog and for the nice comments you have been leaving there. I appreciate that a lot.

Hugs and a kiss,

Gabriela. :)