But then I started having some anxiety at night because I worry so much about how I'm not doing enough or I'm not trying enough to do everything that I think I should do (I am my worst critic)- I eat too much, I don't exercise, and so all of this weight loss progress--- my biggest fear is that I have made sooo much wonderful progress this year, changing how I eat and just how I treat my body, and I am really proud of myself. And doubt just has to get in the way, doesn't it?
So I did what is actually not that healthy at all. I went online, bought some cute clothes on sale at Urban Outfitters and then decided to change my ringtone and wallpaper on my cell phone. I promised myself the last time that I did that, that I wouldn't do it again.So I'm saying out loud that I will not go back to my cell phone to buy graphics and ringtones. It's a momentary fix but it doesn't make me feel any better. Just a bit guilty about spending money.
I guess what I mean to say is that I kind of need to stop beating myself up. And I need to seriously, buy a word search puzzle book or something because me with a credit card and things associated with shopping therapy, could potentially be destructive. God Bless my husband for being patient and gracious with me (and for being soo sweet tonight, making sure to compliment me on my looks, etc.) (Seriously, I am doing really well so why the sudden feeling of failure??)
I'm just frustrated and so I have decided that the best way to justify (kind of, or at least rationalize) "shopping therapy" is to write it all out, recognize that it wasn't the healthiest way of coping, and move on. The good news- school finishes this next week so I have plenty of time to focus on myself instead of on school.
(I bought Shakira's Tortura and Hoobastank's The Reason. And a really cute graphic that says "peas on earth". Not bad choices....)
So pray for me that I can stop being so hard on myself!!!
The movie we saw tonight was American Dreamz- it probably is not a movie that a lot of people would not find very funny at all. But Hugh Grant is deliciously evil in it, rivaling the deliciously evil (and so fun to watch) character he played in bridget jones...
3 comments:
I know how this things are, Erin. I wa slike you 9 years ago. I was in a diet therapy because I had to lose TOO MUCH weight. And I finally achieved it but I had moments like yours, that I was feeling like a failure, that I thought I couldn't reach my goal, that I was completly shit BUTA those moments not help you out to beat your problems and your fears, they even help you to increase them !
Losing weight ins't easy ( people who says it is they are lieing ) but keep positive, little by little start to leave bad habits, it is better to go slowly than going fast and give up once time and another time.
I know you can do it, Erin.
I think Miriam's advice to you is just great.
Hey Erin. Congratulations on eating healthier and I cheer you up to keep up the good work.
Those movies you mention sound like so fun. Hey, I don't think that it was bad that you went to buy some clothes for yourself, so don't feel bad, as those are things that improve your image and the way you feel about yourself, plus you keep earning money due to work, right? So I believe you deserve to pamper yourself once in a while. I take advantage of sales too, jsut like you did this time, as it's a good way to save good money. Bye for now amiguita and blessings. :)
Yay for the new ringtones in your phone. In difference, the cel I have is just the cheapest one I found around here, lol. It costed me like 80 bucks and I renew the phone card kind of like every three months, lol.
Okies, have a nice week. :)
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