I love how, when you feel like everything is horrible and possibly it's the end of the world, that something happens to make everything better.
Yesterday I got into my first car accident. It wasn't really bad- very minor damage- but it was my fault because I basically backed into another guy's car. I was being impatient and I wasn't paying attention. It could have been worse and it was a much needed lesson for me that I still need a lot of practice. The guy was nice and we are hoping that the damage is small so we won't have to go through insurance, but I feel bad anyway because we still have to pay for my mistake. I felt so stupid and shocked and mad at myself.
Dennis was so wonderful- he didn't get mad at me at all! He said that everyone has to get into at least one accident and that he was more worried about supporting me than he was about the car. It was a blessing but I was so upset that for almost the rest of the night, I was like "what? you aren't yelling at me for being irresponsible?" He was so kind and it was a very nice reminder of why I married him.
But I still spent last night and part of today freaking out about the car and damages and how it will be to pay off this poor guy for the damages to his car. And I was worried because it's just the wrong month for a costly mistake- Christmas/December is expensive and we are saving money for Dennis's school. So many things going through my mind. I didn't think the world would end but I thought we might find some trouble.
This morning I got a letter saying that I will get a credit (read: money) from school because they are going to give me more money in financial aid than the cost for the semester. It was a chain reaction in a long list of blessings- we weren't expecting to receive extra money! We think that we can use this money to pay for the car! (I just scratched his door and put a dent in the side. And it was a small dent.)And he said he would look for a reasonable price.
And later today, I gave away 2 TVs. Just like we inherited vacuum cleaners, we inherited televisions when my mother died. We had 4 televisions. This woman who works at the university asked me if I knew of anyone who had any extra televisions. She came over today to look at them and then we started talking. One TV will go to her babysitter and one will go to her and her family (she lives with her husband, 2 kids, and her mom. And her brother and his wife live next door.) It's one of those times, when I could tell that she really couldn't afford to pay me (and I wasn't going to charge her for what we were going to give away anyway) and she offered to pay me in notebooks (cuadernos!) It just felt good to listen to her tell me about her life and her story and to tell her "you know, I really am blessed by you taking these TVs. They are a gift. Just take them." (It really was a blessing. TVs and Vaccuums take up alot of space!) It was a big move for me, to get rid of things that were my moms and to give them to people who will enjoy them. And it was nice to hear that I'm not the only one worried about money. Not only am I not the only one worried about money, but my money worries are so different! We don't worry about paying for rent or any utilities. We worry about paying for vacations! (Really. Before the car "mini-accident", Dennis was thinking about going on vacation during Christmas.)
So adding up my blessings, I have a husband who loves me more than he loves the car and who isn't bitter or resentful. I have financial help from unexpected places. (praying that the damages aren't so expensive!!!) I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and pocket change to afford going to the cinema!
At the end, my last blessing, was when I gave dinner to a neighbor couple who just had a baby. I spent the day cooking soup (well, the crock pot cooked it. I didn't work that hard), and I gave them bread and cookies and soda and plastic dinnerware so that they wouldn't have to do anything. And when I got to their apartment, they looked so tired but so happy. It was a blessing to see the new baby and to feel like I was being helpful.
The blessing for the whole day, I think, is in the feeling like not only am I being helpful and a blessing to other people, but that God is definitely providing for me. I guess I titled this "sometimes God breathes..." because sometimes I feel like I'm holding my breath or like I can't breathe (Or like the world is going to end). Last night, the only thing I could concentrate on praying for was for a sense of peace. And today, I found myself breathing just fine and even more, breathing from joy. I feel like God breathed a little for me.
There is this song that goes "lay down your burdens and I will carry you."
I felt carried today.