the rules

I skipped one of my classes today because I was chatting with my stepdaughters (they are 13 and 14 and the 14 year old wants to get a job because she wants to be independent! Oh to be that young and naive again!!)

So I missed class. But I was able to watch Monday night television, which I usually miss. This means that I was able to watch the new "Zorro" telenovela. Miriam, my valentines day gift to you is Zorro (Christian Meier in real life). He's very good- I wish he was real and that I could really send him your way!

Point is that I'm watching a telenovela (and the one following it), and remembering the rules of telenovelas (at least the ones on telemundo, filmed in Columbia but I think mainly mexican).
Right now, I'm watching "Decisiones" (Decisions)- the wife is pregnant but it's bad news because she's pregnant with his brother's baby, because his brother raped her. And the husband has no idea how much his wife is suffering.

are you serious???

rule 1 of telenovelas- it never happens like that in real life.

• the wife is never that pretty or well-dressed
• the apartment is never that fantastic
• she has to say, to save the baby's life, that the father is not who everyone thinks?

there are other rules in my short experience as a wife married to a latino:

• there is always a wedding and a funeral at the end, in the last chapter(s) of the series
• the bad guy (or girl) never dies the first time. if he (or she) is in a coma he (she) will come back.
  
• a person who normally would earn just minimum wage or worse lives in a great apartment with great clothes and makeup and hair.
• the husband or boyfriend can always be convinced to cheat on his wife/girlfriend.
  
• there is always a way to escape prison
• the virgencita always helps the old lady
• the servants always have funny/stupid things to say for comic relief
• there will be a point where the main female and male leads finally get together as a couple but this will only last a week in chapters because then the bad guy (not dead) will expose a secret or something stupid (especially if the series is having great success and the writers have decided to make the series longer). the main couple is never happy.
  
• there is almost always a serenade (I've asked Dennis why he never gives me a serenata and he says it's mostly a mexican tradition)

• if the female protagonist becomes pregnant she won't find out until after the big split and she won't tell the male protagonist. She will either lose the baby or have the baby but the male protagonist won't know until the end. (It's really really ridiculous sometimes- come on, just tell him you had a baby!! por favor!!)

I'm sure the list is longer....