Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Live Blogging American Idol finale...

Two firsts: live blogging and actually watching the entire American Idol finale. I will do both while trying to translate 1 Kings 1 in Hebrew. Buwahahahahaaa (I actually wonder how many people had the same "live-blog" idea....

8:00pm American Idol. Ryan Seacrest talks.Blah blah blah. Record number of people calling in, even from Canada. Still think that they've fixed it for Archuleta to win. All those votes are from 13 year old girls. The Nation is not as riveted as Seacrest talks about. But maybe they are supposed to say that.

Showing the home towns. Both cheer. But clearly, Archuleta's teenage girls scream louder.

Somewhere here the top 12 sing a song and I tune them out.

8:55pm The American Idol Experience at DisneyWorld. Brought to you by Jordin Sparks. Who has lame songs that I hate on the radio.

ZZTop and David Cook. Sharped-Dressed Man. This is why David Cook will probably profit from this more than Archuleta. Even if it is a fix that the teen boy will win, Cook has a rock-esque style that will play on the radio, right after Daughtry. He's playing and dancing and working the crowd, and it is campy and bad-ass at the same time, if that is possible. I wonder if David Cook auditioned to be a member of INXS when they had their reality show on CBS two years ago.... Paula Abdul is clearly excited about ZZ Top. Now, I get all the jokes about her being wacky.

8:59pm David Cook's home town and grandma. No, his music teacher. And what is that girl wearing? A Gold Saran Wrap Dress??? Whaaaa??

Did Graham Nash feel like he should retire any hippie credentials or "fighting the man" credentials by singing "Teach the Children Well" on stage acoustic with Brooke White?

8:12pm The Davids should be in a band. They dueted "Hero" by Nickelback quite well. Is it so obvious that Archuleta is so winning this?

Mike Myers mentors them? Unnecessary Guru plugging in American Idol, even if it is funny to watch Mike Myers thank the academy for Mini-Me.
David Cook's face is too 90's? But it is so nice to see David Cook laugh at Archuleta when Mike Myers tells him that he will have to go through puberty soon. Oh look, he is actually pretending to be the guru live on stage now, before Seacrest and thousands of teenagers.

8:19pm Syeisha returns. With Seal. Who is so awesome. She is just his backup singer.

8:20pm Commercial and Love Guru promo. Isn't Mike Myers also quite 90's. Just as much as David Cook's facial hair?

8:25pm Back. Welcoming back Jason Castro. AKA dread lock kid who was perpetually stoned and who said "don't vote" so he would get voted off. The Rufus Wainwright version of Alleluia is superb to this so I'm tuning him out. Dennis says "why is this guy here?" I agree.

8:27pm A montage with the 12 that I also tune out. It might take all night long to let the good times roll but I'd like to see who wins.

8:28pm Back with the Davids. Getting free cars. Ridiculous. (I shouldn't judge that one....)

8:29pm Donna Summer songs with the girls. Sounds like a broadway show. Tuning it out. Wait, who is the old lady? She sounds kind of like a dude... And now it's the Donna Summer reunion show....

8:40pm Carly- the girl with the powerful, almost masculine voice and Michael Johns, they guy that everyone was sad to see gone. Pretty good, but still sounds like a broadway show. And also kind of like an SNL skit.

8:43pm. Simon has large nipples? What? Oh, Jimmy Kimmel. Sanjaya reference. 19 weeks of Karaoke singing. Putting Simon's mean words to music. Meh.

8:45pm. The guys. Singing a bad 80's song, horribly. Wow it really is like Karaoke. And Jason Castro is just too stoned to sing "Summer of '69".

Wow. I just figured out that they are making the men sing Ryan Adams power ballads. Confession: Dennis and I sing these same ballads in the car. Ryan Adams comes out. I'm not wearing my glasses but Dennis said he doesn't look bad for his age.

8:50pm. Dennis is singing along with Ryan Adams and the guys. OMG.

9:02pm. Jordin Sparks-whose songs are quite annoying- introduces something at Disneyland.
David Cook rocks out with ZZTop, and clearly deserves this but clearly won't win because he is just too rock and roll. (This is also kind of a campy performance, but I will let him have it.)

Brooke White sings with Graham Nash. And he loses all (if he had any) credibility as someone who used to be a hippie.

9:07pm. Who the heck is this band? The lead singer looks like Archuleta's brother. Dennis and I have no idea, even though the teen girls are going wacko.

9:09pm. Who is this old lady in red? She looks kind of like Michelle Bachelet.

Okay, now for the reel of bad singers and talent:
That girl singing "somebody to love" is a total meth head.
The black guy in the mustard suit is not singing in English.
And a guy in some stuffed animal get-up singing with a marching band. Oh. I am so not getting any homework done. What the hell is he singing??

9:18pm. One Republic sings "Apologize". Without Timbaland, I think. I actually like this song but Dennis thinks it is ridiculously repetitive and lame. I like this song on the radio but the lead singer is a bit weak live.

Oh, wait, Archuleta is singing "Apologize" too. This is exactly the type of song that will make him win. They actually flash to teenage girls singing along. Archuleta is a good singer. I don't know why I'm so anti-Archuleta, except that it just seems like he's been the winner since the beginning of the show. At any rate, this was a smart choice for them to make Archuleta sing. I am imagining how Archuleta's album cover would look. Man, he has such a baby face. I didn't get to live blog Cook's family/home town. It was less screaming and his music teacher.

Archuleta's home town. Loads of screaming girls and his grandpas. Se habla en espanol poco- el talento se viene de las dos familias. Safe answer.

9:23pm Jordin Sparks, again. Wearing an eye-damaging gold dress that makes her look bigger than she is. Not flattering at all. Why are they clothing the women in this fabric? It's like gold/silver dance class material.

This material.
As bad for your figure as Jordin Sparks songs all suck.

9:31pm. Hahahahahaa. Jack Black, Ben Stiller, and Robert Downey Jr. singing "Midnight Train to Georgia" with Gladys Night. I am developing a crush on Robert Downey Jr. now that he's off the dope and working out and being Ironman. I wonder if doing things like this excite Jack Black, who is so good at musical comedy.

Yep. Jack Black pantsless. And Sexy Robery Downey Jr. And Ben Stiller.

9:35pm. Carrie Underwood. She's wearing wing-type sleeves but she has cute hair. And I really like her songs. She's up there with Kelly Clarkson as Idol success. Man, she has great legs.

9:45pm. I LOVE George Michael songs. A little scared about Archuleta singing "Father Figure."
If George Michael came, I would scream.

aahhhhhhhhhhh!! Woohoo!!! I love George Michael!!! Not ashamed of it!! Paula loves him too.

9:57pm Judges speak. Blah blah blah. This is when the judges say to the loser "you suck, but don't feel so bad because you are both winners. But one of you wins more." I wonder if Simon really doesn't care who wins. Nice of him to apologize though, for being mean yesterday to David Cook after handing the win to David Archuleta.

9:59pm The opening of the Gold envelope.
by 12 million votes the winner is David Cook!!

Yay! Bye Archuleta!! Awww, look at Cook cry! Who is that old lady with him? His mom? Oh yeah, I forgot that his brother was sick. Awww...

10:02pm As he sings about the time of his life, I am reminded of the Word Cloud shown on BWE.TV today, compiling all of the words that the AI winners have sung in their final songs.

Please, David Cook, be more popular than Taylor Hicks.

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