What I'm thinking about now...

1. I think it is adorable that my husband toasted a tortilla in our toaster oven because we didn't have tortilla chips for dinner tonight (I ate them in yet another mindless example of how I am incapable of following a truly diabetic diet...)

2. I'm going to Wisconsin this weekend with my Aunt, for a family reunion. I need to get some photos printed to show our family. Should I bring my bathing suit. Should I check in some luggage? I wouldn't except that I hate the rules about liquids. I don't even wear makeup, but I don't want to stress out about whether or not I can put it in a carry on. I just hate that you have to pay a ridiculous amount of money for carry-ons now.

3. Which reminds me that I need to find my mp3 charger...

4. I'm getting obsessed with Twitter.
People who read this blog know I've had twitter for awhile (I got it after I saw it on Cindy's Blog) but the days pop culture events revised my twitter interest.

5. Chilean News article about Michael Jackson. My aunt and I talked about it earlier this evening- we weren't "shocked", just sad for his family.

neither have talent.

okay. sometimes what kara said was helpful during the season. but srsly, the show didn't need her.

There, I've said it...

Back to blogging (oh how I missed you!) by saying some things:

1. I like Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.


I think he's funny and cute, even though he laughs at his own jokes. There, I've said it.

2. My husband is in Florida, trying to find a job and to take an exam for a second graduate degree. He's only been gone for one night and he's coming back tomorrow, but I think I'd like another night alone. It's quiet and I can eat whatever I want and I don't have to watch Spanish news (even though I do). I wish he would stay one more night. Things have been so stressful with school and lack of full-time employment, and we have been bouncing anxiety and panic attacks off of each other. So, I really miss not having someone to talk to but I also really enjoy the alone time. There, I've said it.

3.
I think Steven Tyler looks like a lady. The aerosmith classic song has come full circle. There, I've said it.

4. This is the Cutest Commercial EVER.


Bonus: link to the song in the commercial. Yessss

G-Rated

based on the word "steal" found one time :)

Milestones...

I belong to a forum for diabetics who are women and who are mothers or who want to be mothers. I'm not planning anything right now but it has been motivational for getting my health under control. Anyway, when your diabetes is under control, you tell everyone in the forum and they give you a dancing frog (so under 7.0 A1C). My A1C two weeks ago was a 7.8, which is the best I've ever had. It's a milestone and the forum members awarded me with a tadpole. I've been keeping it on my computer harddrive but I haven't been really keeping up with trying to do better. But posting it here might help me to stay focused (I've caved twice in the past week and had some french fries and I've decided to give up candy and cake, except for Mar.11 bday cake, for lent). I just feel like I have so many goals and things I have to do this year, and I think I've been putting the goal of being healthy on the backburner.

I got this email when I was wasting time on facebook (which very well might steal my soul). I'm going back to Japan so I've been raising money. I've reached my half way point, but I don't know how because I can think of 10 people that I know I need to talk to but that I have put off writing letters too. It's another goal.

I'm also taking Japanese, kind of. I'm sitting in on a class but I'm not really auditing it because I'm not paying for it, because the professor and his department have been really ridiculously graceful and generous. But tomorrow morning, there is an exam. I haven't studied and now I feel like I should talk to the professor and just ask him if I can not worry about this exam? I feel really bad, like I'm already wasting his time and like him grading my exam would be just worse. I feel like a flake.

Which brings me to my 10am midterm tomorrow morning. It's something else I haven't satisfactorily studied for. But I'm paying for this class, and I think I might be smarter if I studied and did well for it. But this is like the story of who I am as a student right now- I'm flaking on my studies and putting things off and hoping that I can just get by. It's not how I want to do things, and I'm probably being too hard on myself. I'm just really tired and stressed out.

Which brings me to my whole life right now. I finish school finally in December. My husband doesn't have a job and the US economy is not providing him with anything. We are talking about moving back to Chile or to another country, in general. Which freaks me out. The thought of moving to another country and changing my life so dramatically all by myself (with Dennis), so freaks me out that I feel like I'm almost paralyzed. It's like I'm sabotaging myself physically, spiritually, and scholastically because I'm terrified of the real world, of moving away, of the very very unknown. It's not that I don't have faith in God or in Dennis or in myself. It's that I'm just so anxious about this that I can't even concentrate properly. Me, who has to two hours early for a flight when they say be one hour early. Me, who has to show up 15-30min. early for a movie just because I want to pick the best seats possible. I turn into Godzilla if we miss one preview. Not knowing, not having a clue, not having any control.

I realize, as I type this, that this is what I'm doing. I'm so freaking out that I'm sabotaging myself. Which is absurd because I, of all people, know how amazing God is and how much things can change in one year. In less!

The Invasion...

Of the Cold/Flu Bug. Our whole apartment complex/church/community bubble has it. Dennis has been sick for about a week and I'm full of mocos myself. I promise I am trying to wash my hands more and I washed our sheets today to get rid of any germs. Alas, this is a tough bug to beat.
My dear husband, bless him, is consequently unable to sleep at night. He refuses to take benedryl because they make him sleepy. But last night for example, he was on his blackberry or channel surfing or touching my face all night. It was cute, endearing, pathetic, and annoying.
My cure for the cold: cup o' noodles (ramen), liquids (not always good ones but nonetheless we try), and lots of wasting time on the internets (aka facebook games instead of studying).


this is my reason for post- Dennis citizenship ceremony blog hiatus:




*common cold plush doll via Cool Stuff Express
*Passive Aggressive Note about coughing via Passive Aggressive Notes

I am a banana in pajamas.

Let me rejoice in this glorious time, when I can be in pajamas for most of the week and blame it on my status as a graduate student. I had a big retreat on Friday and Saturday for Japan and now I have nothing until Thursday morning. Which means I celebrated Martin Luther King in my pajamas perusing facebook. And while I did indeed watch the presidential ceremonies today and I did tear up and fall in love with the Obama daughters, etc., I did also return to bed after I saw George W. board the helicopter.

I do have more important things to do. I can get dressed, go for a walk, do the dishes, clean our apartment or do the laundry, or take out the trash... Or really more importantly, I could do my homework. I have some reading to do, especially for all of the many book reviews that are due at the end of the semester AKA in two months. And if I did do my homework, it would certainly lend credence to any of my arguments when they do happen, with Dennis about just how busy I am as a graduate student. (As in "hey, I work really hard! I'm a full-time graduate student!")

I think that this is my last year to use this excuse. I am finishing classes in December and while I expect for the comprehensive exams to be really tough (the ones I must pass in order to get my degree in April of 2010...), I know that a year from now I am going to be worrying more about my resume (which I still need to write...) and all of the real grown up stuff that comes along with GROWING UP.

I'm rejoicing. And freaking out.

Chew your food.

I'm not "trying to lose weight" as a New Year's Resolution. As I am always trying to fix myself, my method of attack is to just keep trying to do whatever I can to be healthy. Not gonna make promises to go to the gym every day or even every week because I know myself. That ship has sailed.

But in the past two days, I've been experimenting. One of my problems is that I tend to scarf my food down. I don't taste my food. And then it's pretty predictable that I end am still hungry later. How do you eat a ridiculously huge meal and still feel hungry five minutes later? By eating your food so fast that you have to remind yourself that you need to stop and breathe or else you are going to choke.

So as I was eating pizza the other night, I had a lightbulb moment and realized that I'm not chewing my food. I'm not even tasting it. By my second piece, I'm still hungry. So I have started chewing my food. I know this is the most obvious dieting advice ever but for anyone else out there, chew your food. Put down the fork or whatever you are eating with and let your food break down. Swallow it completely. Maybe take a drink in between. And you shall enjoy fullness in thy tummy. Amen.